


It's All Fun And Games (Until Someone Gets Caught)

by elledritchhorror



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Cards time!!, Other, Right?, That's it they're just playing cards, because playing cards with Nureyev seems like a good idea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:00:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29419794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elledritchhorror/pseuds/elledritchhorror
Summary: Rita can do a lot of things, but she's no card shark. Yet. If only there were someone who could teach her to be good at cards. Someone she lived with perhaps. Someone who might be beginning to trust her. If only.
Relationships: Peter Nureyev & Rita, Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel, Rita & Juno Steel
Comments: 6
Kudos: 60
Collections: TPP Valentine's Exchange





	It's All Fun And Games (Until Someone Gets Caught)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my valentine's exchange fic for North! Their prompt was just so sweet and I wish I could have incorporated every part of it but this is what I have, so I hope it's good. North when you read this please know that I adore your ideas and maybe sometime I will write some Ben Lives stuff just for funsies, but for now I hope you like Rita bonding time. 
> 
> No warnings for this so far as I know, let me know in the comments if I should add something! 
> 
> Happy valentine's day!!!!

Juno walked into the kitchen on the Carte Blanche just in time to see the best and worst idea ever come to pass. Rita was sitting at the table in her chair, the one with the thick cushion that gave her some padding and lifted her up a little so that she could comfortably rest her elbows on the table top. Nureyev was by the bench making himself a cup of coffee and smirking in that way that put Juno in mind of a fox that had just successfully hidden a dead chicken from the farmer. Juno brushed past Nureyev on the way to the fridge and dropped a quick kiss on his cheek on the way while Rita crowed with joy.

"You mean it? You'll teach me how to count cards like in all the streams with those fancy ladies who play those card games and they bet more'n they got but that's ok because they can win no matter what because they're so super smart and pretty?" She shouted. Nureyev chuckled and took his own place at the table.

"Of course, dear. It's a skill any good thief should have. I'd be more than happy to pass it on," he said fondly. 

Rita squirmed happily in her seat and pulled out two decks of cards from her bag of snacks and 'general essentials' that she carried around most of the time. Nureyev took them and shuffled them together. Juno watched his hands, long fingered and delicate. Those hands were quick and skilled, and as Juno watched them dance around the cards for a moment wished they were working that magic on something else. Juno shook his head and took out the ingredients he'd come for. Buddy, Vespa, and Jet wouldn't be home for a little while, but dinner was going to take some time to make.

"Alright, Rita," Nureyev said once he had the decks shuffled as he liked. "I'm going to show you a very simple card counting trick and you can practice with this first. Then we can move on to an actual game."

Juno sliced and diced his ingredients and listened along while Nureyev explained how to watch where a particular card was in a deck that was already shuffled. He walked Rita through it twice, his voice warm and gentle, then he asked her to pick a card at random. She picked one, didn't show him, then she watched intently while Nureyev cut the deck and started laying out cards in rounds like he might have dealt a hand to players. Juno looked over as he was placing each card against the table with a soft snapping sound and saw the slightest flick of his wrist when he moved his arm back to reach around to the first 'hand'. Juno smiled down at the cutting board.

"Alright Rita, where is your chosen card?" Nureyev asked. Rita proudly pointed to a card right away and Nureyev slipped it out of its formation without disturbing any of the others and turned it over with a flourish. "Well, dear? Is it correct?"

Juno knew damn well it wasn't the right card. Nureyev knew it too. Rita on the other hand whined like a wounded rabbit and crossed her arms.

"That ain't it Mista- uhh," Rita trailed off.

"There's no one but us three on the ship, Rita, you can use my name," Nureyev murmured. 

Juno almost didn't catch the words he said them so quietly, but the tone was like a warm blanket wrapped around you on a cold morning. It made Juno want to go over there and kiss Nureyev breathless. It made Rita cry. But only a little.

"Are you sure?" She whispered. Nureyev nodded and smiled at her. Rita grinned almost wider than her face. "Okay then Mista Nureyev! Now where were we... oh yeah! That ain't my card! But I thought I counted it perfectly!"

Rita could go through more full body displays of emotion in a second than most people could in a week. Her tears dried up in an instant, then her grin went the same way when she remembered that her trick didn't work. Juno dumped the chopped ingredients into the slow cooker and turned around to watch the lesson.

"Well, what didn't work? Where did it go wrong?" Nureyev prompted her.

Rita scrunched up her face in thought. She started flipping the cards that Nureyev had laid out on the table until they were all facing up. None of them were hers. Then she picked up the remaining deck and slid it flat in a line, looking for her card. Not there either. Juno watched Nureyev's face; it gave nothing away, predictably enough, but Juno could see just the slightest hint of amusement in his eye. Something about the way he was watching Rita, just a twitch at the corner of his mouth or a shift of his eyebrow, but Juno could see the fun he was finding in the game. Rita was having less fun with it now though, and she looked up to Juno with wide eyes when she noticed him watching.

"Mista Steel, do you know where I went wrong?" She asked. Juno smiled.

"Yup," he said.

"Can you show me?" Rita begged.

Juno smirked, then pushed himself away from the bench and came around to the table. He reached over, lifted Nureyev's arm with a light tug against warm skin, and pulled the card out of his sleeve. Rita gasped.

"Mista Nureyev that's  _ cheatin' _ !" She shouted.

Nureyev laughed, long and loud, and Juno forgot how to breathe for a second. He didn't realise he was staring until Nureyev twisted his wrist around to take Juno's hand and guide him into the seat between the two of them. Then he gathered up all the cards, including the one he'd slipped away, and started shuffling again.

"You know I was hoping she'd figure that out herself, love," Nureyev said.

"She did. She figured out she needed to ask for help. That counts in my book," Juno quipped back. He got a small smile for his efforts.

"Oh alright, I'll accept it. But now, Rita, you play for real. You've got the head for card counting, but now that you know my trick, tell me where you went wrong."

"I wasn't expectin' you to cheat!" Rita protested. She said it like an argument, but Nureyev took it as an answer.

"Precisely, my dear. If you want to learn to play like a thief, you need to be prepared for a thief's tactics." He shuffled the decks again, then dealt the three of them a hand of three cards and placed two face down in the midpoint between them. "Now, you know only your hand and the middle of the table. But, you know that there are two decks of cards, one a traditional earth pack with the four basic suits, one with the Outer Rim pictographs. You know that once a card has been played and discarded it cannot be used again. You also know that there are rules that may be broken. Count for what you need, and see if you can beat me."

Rita grumbled a little the same way she did when Juno made her work during a stream but she nodded, and they played. Nureyev won the first three games. Admittedly Juno was watching  _ him _ more than his cards, but eventually he got his head in the game. Nureyev seemed to have a strategy. First he would let Rita count her way through a few rounds, she didn't always win it but she was getting better with predicting the cards; then he would cheat and win the game for himself with a hand that earned much more money (or more accurately, chips from Rita's snack stash). Once Juno figured that out he started cheating himself, but only on the final round. At six games in, four wins to Nureyev and two to Juno, Rita leaned over to whisper in his ear.

"Mista Steel I can't figure out what he's doin'," Rita whined. 

Juno chuckled and leaned further into her space. Nureyev could read their lips if he really wanted to know what they were saying, but Juno didn't think that was the point. He was teaching her a skill through trial and error, not just kicking her ass at cards.

"You gotta look for the right things. You know he's only cheating on the last round, right?"

"Well yeah, but how does that help me when I can't see nothin'?"

"Watch his thumbs and his cards on the last round. Don't forget there's less to count on the last hand, he knows exactly what he's aiming for," Juno muttered. Then he settled back into his chair and gestured for Nureyev to deal again.

They played through the first few rounds, then on the final one Rita watched while Nureyev discarded one card, then drew to replace it by neatly digging the nail of his thumb into the top of the deck and pulling up two cards, both perfectly in line with each other so that it looked like he had drawn correctly. He then held all of his cards together in a single stack, the two he had drawn in the middle, and waited for Juno and Rita to finish their turns. Once that was done he laid down his own hand: an ace of spades, an ace of clubs, and a lone direwolf. Much better than Juno or Rita's cards. The constellation card Juno had seen reflected in the chrome of the toaster behind Nureyev's shoulder that he had been unable to discard was nowhere to be seen, and the ace of spades looked suspiciously thick on close inspection.

Juno expected Rita to pitch a fit about Nureyev's cheating now that she'd seen it, but she stayed quiet. Nureyev noticed she'd seen, of course he did, but he too stayed silent. They played another game. This time when the final round came up Juno chose to play without tricks, and Rita... pulled two cards in place of one in an almost perfect copy of Nureyev's technique. Juno watched while Nureyev drew only one card, then they each laid out their hands. Rita won.

"I did it! Ha! I beat you Mista Nureyev, I finally did it!" Rita cried.

Well, never let it be said that Rita was a better winner than she was a loser.

Juno grinned at Rita and reached out to bump fists when she offered. He wasn't the kind of lady to leave her hanging. Nureyev, too, smiled broadly.

"Well done, my dear. I must say I don't think I've ever seen anyone perform that trick so well on their first try," he said, fondness clear in his voice. Maybe a little pride too. Rita must have heard it because she preened.

"Well it was only luck really. I didn't know what cards I was gonna get, I just knew you couldn't take more'n about three before it got real obvious," Rita said. "How did you win on the last hand so much?"

Juno stared at Rita, stunned for the trillionth time in his life how someone so smart could miss something so obvious. Nureyev laughed again. It wasn't unkind, he was just taken by surprise. Rita wrinkled her nose in confusion.

"What?"

"Rita," Juno started, trying not to laugh too, "you let him shuffle and deal every single game. He knew exactly what was where the entire time because he put it all there."

Rita's mouth formed a perfectly round O shape and Juno officially lost the battle not to laugh. Rita started rambling about how she couldn't have known Nureyev could do that and it wasn't her fault and Juno could have stepped in but he didn't take in every word. He was a little distracted by the soft smile Nureyev was directing at Rita. Something about it made Juno's heart pound so hard it echoed in his throat. Juno knew that Nureyev and Rita were friends now, that they hung out without him sometimes and they had their own dynamic, but there was something about that smile that was different. It was open, unguarded. Nureyev wasn't unsure or wary around Rita at all anymore. Rita herself would seek Nureyev out for her own reasons now too, not just through his link to Juno. It felt, Juno realised, like they were all one unit instead of two people brought together through a connecting person. They weren't just family in name, it was more.

"Boss! Are you even listenin'?" Rita called and Juno snapped out of his introspection.

"Uh, no, sorry got distracted," Juno said, truthfully.

"Well that's no way to treat your dearest friend, is it Juno?" Buddy said from behind them. Juno was almost used to the rest of the group sneaking up on him. Almost.

"Captain A! I won at cards! Even though they was cheatin' I still beat 'em!" Rita crowed.

Juno stood up and checked on dinner, now that the others were home he had to finish up. Rita told the story of her thrilling victory to Buddy and Jet who both seemed to be very proud of her. Nureyev appeared at Juno's side and Juno looked up at him, smiling.

"Thank you for teaching her that," Juno said quietly enough that they wouldn't be heard under Rita's tale.

"Not at all, it was fun. Besides, I don't mind teaching her more traditional thief skills," Nureyev murmured.

"I'm proud of you," Juno whispered.

"Me? Whatever for?"

"For teaching her something that I know  _ he _ must have taught you. Something that hasn't always gone well for you either. You did good."

A month ago Nureyev would have blown that off with a blustering speech and waving hands, but now he let it sit for a moment, took it seriously. Eventually he leaned lightly against Juno's shoulder.

"To be honest I didn't even think of him. Or of Engstrom. It was just a nice time with you and Rita. I... like spending time with her. Especially when it's all three of us.”

Nureyev didn't elaborate so Juno let it drop. He let Nureyev lean against the bench top and just enjoy the shared silence while Juno prepared the food. They were both natural talkers, constantly saying  _ something _ , but the more they shared the less they needed to fill the quiet. Now it was more a choice, just something they did for fun rather than because they felt like they had to. It made being together in public easier. They didn't have to worry about being heard, they could simply enjoy being close even when the others were around.

Eventually the food was ready and they set up the table for dinner. The conversation had passed Juno and Nureyev by completely but Rita had apparently convinced Buddy and Jet to play cards with her after the meal so she could keep learning. Juno didn't try to burst her bubble about how much leeway Buddy would give her. She'd find out for herself. Instead he washed dishes while he watched her get frustrated over hand after hand, loss after loss, until Nureyev took it on himself to get involved. They did better together. That was true of a lot of things.


End file.
